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439 Reasons to Procrastinate

Once again I caught myself looking frantically for notes, I had jotted down on a random piece of paper.  I decided it was time to take action. It was time to conquer the organizational nightmare I called “my notes”.  As I’m supposed to be writing or doing some other productive writing like activity, I let my eye wonder over to my email tab. The same eye begins to twitch as the realization that there are 439 emails in my BUSINESS inbox sets in.  I push on for all of five more minutes before I check them.  The irony is for more than two hours possibly two days those same 439 emails have sat in my inbox.  

I tell myself it will just be a quick scan and I’ll get right back to work.  I began to scroll through.

Apparently Sam’s club now has Oscar Meyer Turkey Bacon….relevance unknown.

Children’s Place has sent me three or four emails a day for years. I’m not even sure my kids can still fit their clothes. I make a note on a scrap of paper to have the notifications stopped.

There’s a guest preacher at a church I attended one time with my client.  An email address was necessary to get a nifty free mug. 

There are various other non-business related emails. I have job offers enough of them spam to make me delete the lot. There’s a couple from Auto Zone even though every trip there I kicked and screamed or simply sent someone else.  I am coming to the conclusion I just give this particular email address to everyone. Then something catches my eye.

Torrid always sends me the most enthusiastic emails. They’re usually bolded in all the right places, the font changes to please my eye. And best of all there is always words such as “BOGO”, “CLEARANCE”, and “50% OFF!”  I usually open these, browse, pin my most awesome finds to PINTEREST, and add them to the wish list of things I’ll buy at Tax Time Christmas.  Today I hit the reply button.

Dear Torrid,

I received your enthusiastic pretty email. I was not as thrilled as I usually am to hear from you.  Let me first remind you that some months ago I applied for a line of credit with your company.  A week later I was turned down. I was kind of bummed but not at all deterred from browsing your web site.  Your rejection did put a damper on my shopping.  Anyway I would like you to know I’ll no longer be your pretend customer, for the following reasons;

My only means of transportation broke down months ago so trips to Cleveland’s Tower City, where the nearest Torrid is located will not be possible.   I broke up with the only person willing to “run in there and pick me up a black dress” yesterday or was it the day before?  I’m a broke self- employed event consultant in a busted ass economy.

 I’ll be at the Salvation Army if you need me.

Thank You,

Heather R. Andrews

I hit send. For two whole minutes I felt cleansed.  My 440th email informed me that delivery had failed as the email was sent to a non-reply email address.  Oh well. I grabbed another file folder full of notes and went back to work. 

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