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From The Archives: 04/19/2009 Lames and Scrubs Need Not Apply

I think I’ve been out of the dating game for about two years so I’m kind of dusty. I do know that there are some things that just should never be done. Before I get to that though, I will say this I’m not trying to bash men because I know there are men out there definitely doing a wonderful job at being a REAL MAN. So I’m applauding any real men holding down a job, being a single father, taking care of their kids (whether they can stand the mama or not), and knowing how to come correct when it comes to dating. With all that being said I have to cut loose from the minor irritations to the ish I know your mama taught you never to do!!!! 

1. UNLESS WE ARE IN A COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP ( ok I’ll even say something like my boo lol) DO NOT ASK ME FOR MONEY. Honey, I am not here to fund your life! I can only be expected to take care of the man I created. Need I say more? You will get dogged every time! 
2. EXPECT MORE OUT OF ME, OR I’LL EXPECT LESS OUT OF YOU! Sweetie, this is not a good thing. (and for the record if you’re looking for a hood rat or anything like a hood rat you’re barking up the wrong tree, lift your leg elsewhere) 
3. KNOW AND EMBRACE THE FACT THAT MY CHILDREN COME FIRST ! Although this is self explanatory, I’m sure I need to elaborate. Do not invite yourself to my house. Do not assume that you’re spending the night even if I let you come through. Do not assume that I have time to hold a conversation with you at 6:50 am. ( a text will suffice if I’m really on your mind so tough) No I will not get a baby sitter every weekend and no they are not  going to bed early so you can come invade their space. Meeting them and being in their presence is a privilege for you (know that and embrace that fool) And last but not least if you don’t plan on meeting or I haven’t deemed you fit to meet them you will not be around for long. 
4. BABY, QUEEN , SEXY, BOO BOO, and BAE. NONE OF THE ABOVE IS MY NAME! Every sentence out of your mouth does not have to start with that! Saying my name is so much more effective than that gibberish! (Saying a person’s name feeds into their ego. Sad but true) 
5. HIT ME ONCE AND HOPE THE POLICE COME AND ARREST YOU QUICKLY. EITHER WAY WE’RE BOTH GOING YOU FOR  ASSAULT ME FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER! I know I know you all have been told never to hit women! I don’t care what demons are in your childhood keep your damn hands to yourself. 
6. DO NOT BE DECEPTIVE. This covers millions of things so the bottom line is to keep it 100! 
7. ACCEPT MY INDEPENDENCE. I don’t need you to rescue me I got this for right now. 
8. DO NOT EVEN SUBMIT AN APPLICATION IF YOU DO NOT TAKE CARE OF YOUR CHILDREN 
9. YOU DON’T HAVE TO LIKE MY PAST, BUT LEAVE IT ALONE IF YOU DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT YOUR SKELETONS 
10. KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN BEING CLINGY AND BEING AVAILABLE 
Ok, I’m calm cool and collected…back to my regularly scheduled program. 

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