Yesterday was the moment of truth. I cleansed all weekend and tried my hardest to make wise food choices. I remembered not to dress in my usual layers instead choosing a simple pair of yoga pants and a long sleeve t-shirt. I didn’t want there to be any water weight or anything else weighing me down so I skipped breakfast and my usual 16 ounces of water.
I was excited as opposed to being nervous. Besides not wanting to be at the doctor’s office all day, my anticipation got me in the office a half hour ahead of schedule. I was ready. They called my name and got my vitals. I took everything out of my pockets, slid out of my shoes, and shrugged off my jacket. The scale was calling my name and for once I wasn’t afraid of it.
I took a breath and stepped on. The numbers popped up and I cringed. I immediately wanted to beat myself up, vow to never eat again, and workout until everything on my body ached. But that is the old me. The new me celebrates EVERY victory big or small. No matter how hard I want to be on myself I have to remember I’m still winning. Winning because, I chose to take control of my life.
The 34 pounds from the 7th are confirmed along with 2 more pounds. That is a grand total of 36 pounds since I started my journey on September 16th, 2013! I was able to lose 32 pounds in less than a month and I know I should be thrilled and proud of myself and I am for the most part but I’m still going to press on because I still have a long ways to go until goal weight.
The rest of my visit went well. I finally got to see my assigned doctor. I love the fact that he remembered me after all of this time. (I know my doctor and his family personally.) He greeted me with a hug and a kiss just like an old friend. He listened and adjusted my meds accordingly. I told him about my weight loss and he gave me dap. J All in all it was a pretty great morning.
Recall that I said that I skipped breakfast. That was not a good idea. Because of my cleanse I was kind of weak already. I didn’t want to drink my water before my appointment so I was also lacking my morning meds and vitamins. The first hunger pains started and I knew I was in trouble. Hunger causes horrible mood swings in me so I had a bag of chips which was my next mistake. My body wanted more and I wasn’t able to go home. I ended up at McDonald’s, somewhere I detest even when I’m not watching what I eat. I made some solid decisions but it was still empty calories because I was not satisfied.
The rest of the day pretty much went downhill as far as food choices go. I paid the price for skipping my morning routine. I was tired and sluggish all day and continued to make bad decisions. The biggest lesson I learned from that mistake is to take my supplements and meds in the morning no matter what. The vitamins make a difference and I already know that I am dependent on my Bipolar medication.
Mentally I am still okay. I learned some more hard lessons over the weekend. I cannot depend on anyone else for my happiness. A relationship is not promised and if a person is doing more harm than good they should be cut off no matter how long the friendship/romance has been in existence. It is all right. I disconnected for a few days to regroup. I used the time to write refusing to feel sorry for myself. I was surprised because I was actually okay with my decision and I didn’t dwell on the negative or the what ifs.
I can’t depend on anyone in my weight loss journey. Cheerleaders are appreciated but it is still up to me to make smart food choices and exercise on a regular basis. I hear people when they say they want to walk with me or eat healthier but I have to pay attention to their actions and not get caught up. If I can be a source of encouragement to someone else that is a great thing but I can’t let their lack of discipline influence me.
Well that just about it for this entry. I hope everyone is doing well. Remember that with any personal journey you have to be in control of yourself.