It’s hard for me to see the crestfallen look on my son’s face when I tell him that he can’t take his toy sword outside. He carries one or more of his swords around like most kids carry their snug or teddy bear. He is NTG, he has things to defeat. How do I tell my baby that his blackness and maleness disqualifies him as a child? I have a reason to fear for his life. I’m paranoid so my voice is sharper than it needs to be when I tell him to leave it inside. A few days later the sword is still abandoned by the door. It is a reminder of my fear.
Saturday August 9th 12:01 PM, Mike Brown is shot to death by a police officer. Mike was Black, 18, and unarmed. Witnesses report that he was executed with his hands in the air.
For the first time ever, I realized that I could raise a Black boy to be respectful, loving, and kind. I could hope that my love and sacrifices were enough to make him a man with character. I lay my head down and wept soul shattering tears of frustration, anger, and sadness. The reality is that eventually my baby won’t be my baby. I can’t protect him from everything and everybody. There are evils and perils that are out of my reach. The pain was real enough that I let someone see a side of myself that I rarely show. My distress was not only for myself but for every mom raising a brown son in a world that hates them.
How do I protect my son against racism? Hell, how do I protect him from the very forces that are supposed to protect him?
I know that I need to write about Ferguson but I can’t on the day of Mike Brown’s murder. My emotions are all over the place and all I can really do is watch my timeline on Twitter in horror. I try to talk to some of my associates about Mike Brown and Ferguson yet my feelings of anger, frustration, and sadness are discounted and even questioned. I shouldn’t be in my feelings about a dead Black boy when my child is Black and male? A city in America being terrorized by police as if the Constitution doesn’t exist shouldn’t be upsetting?
I’m angry now. I’m angry at law enforcement in Ferguson, angry that justice for Black men is so slow or nonexistent. In the days that follow, I’m called out of my name more than once because I am angry and my stand with the protestors in Ferguson. I expect the ignorance from racist White folks, but I am outraged when I see Black people victim blaming, engaging in respectability politics, and not giving a damn that Mike Brown was murdered in cold blood. My blood boiled when Black on Black crime started being thrown around.
When there’s a racially charged incident there is always a handful of Black people that try to prove that they’re better than the rest of us. “Look I’m educated and articulate. I dress well. I have this degree and this job.” At the end of the day the folks you shuck and jive for STILL HATE YOUR BLACK ASS. I called one individual out. He is a Black man that thinks because he wears a suit to work he’s better than the Mike Browns of the world. I let him know he wasn’t;
You addressing me made no sense whatsoever [redacted] If anything my stance on things may hurt book sells but guess what? Right is right. What are these new revolutionaries you speak of? You ought to be grateful for those of us who sit behind the computer and our smart phones we break the news to the misinformed. Most everything you’re reading comes from a “new revolutionary” Being a hypocrite? How so? You’re damn Skippy my kids are in before the street lights and they speak respectfully they’re 11 and 14 and I suffer no fools nor will my children be such. I’m not however teaching them to bow down simp and pander to anyone especially not a white man because the people that I’m raising are better than white privilege and they will never be taught to settle because they matter no matter what color their skin is. So Sir, before you attempt to clap back you better get your damn ducks in a row.
One comment on a post made perfect sense and helped give me the strength I needed to finally write this piece.
They are trying to bully; brow beat and control your peace. They are powerless but if they can make you bow they feel powerful. Ignore fools, your heart, your soul, your anguish. If it must be loosed let it fly freely.
Make those who feed on the rest of our collective misery uncomfortable in their shit houses. They are glass just fetid manure
So, I started writing….