Life

The Pen: Another Tale of Procrastination

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I have been obsessed with office supplies, namely pens for as long as I can remember. There was the time that we were promised a trip to Toys R Us where we were going to be able to pick out anything that we wanted. First,we had errands that needed to be finished before we spent what would surely be hours walking around the toy store while 3 little girls decided on the perfect toy.
The last stop before Toys R Us was Sam’s Club. I walked through Sam’s irritated with Fric and Frac but I knew if I was hateful to them I would surely lose my toy. Then I saw it!
It was the biggest package of pens and highlighters that I had ever seen in my life. I no longer cared about anything that awaited me at the toy store all I wanted was those pens! I’m sure that I was allowed to still pick out something from the toy store but I was willing to forfeit toys and other privileges for that package of pens. We won’t even talk about how many other times I’ve begged for that same package of pens or bought them for myself as an adult.
I’ll attribute my obsession with pens to my love for writing and rebuke anything else.
The discovery of this pen happened completley by accident. I didn’t feel like digging for one of the 10 pens that I’m sure was floating around at the bottom of my bag. My signature was required so I grabbed the first pen available.
That pen was glorious! I looked around suspiciously and dropped it in my purse. There were several others to be had but their lack of caps was a turn off.
I cherished that one pen for weeks. I gave my niece the severest side eye when she found it in my bag and used it to draw 4 year old versions of horses and what not. My frustration was real when the cap finally disappeared. I sadly threw it in the junk drawer as it was of no more use to me.
I eventually went to Staples and looked high and low for the pen love of my life. They had pens but their inferior pens were no match for my little lovely.
Last week I was required to to fill out another batch of paperwork. Once again digging in my bag would have been too much work. There on the table, right in front of me was the love of my pen life! I grabbed it and the one beside it. There was a third one near but it didn’t have a cap so I left it. I squirrled the rescued pens away in my bag relived that I had been reunited with my favorite pen.
Now that I had 2 of the pens that I loved so much I only pulled them out for special occasions. The special occasion was mainly making notes in my journal for the opus I plan on unvailing after NaNoWritMo. There were so many notes, so many in fact that one of the pens ran out of ink fairly quickly.
I panicked. I couldn’t go to random offices with the intent to steal pens. That would just be crazy. Then I looked down at the dead pen. It was fate. There was a model number. I committed UNV27411 to my memory faster than I had remembered my own social security number.
The search was on. I found them on Amazon. The price was more than I was willing to pay although to be honest I probably would have paid anything. I wasn’t happy that the pens weren’t offered through Prime either. Nope, I couldn’t wait and risk my last precious pen dying before somebody in Japan decided to ship me a dozen pens.
I checked the Staples’s website and came up with nothing. I solicited help from a friend because why not interrupt somebody else’s work day to wrap them up in my shenanigans? After clowning me as he should have, he suggested Office Depot.
I squealed with joy when I entered the model number into the website and my beautiful pens popped up. I was misty eyed when I saw that the price was only 1.69 a dozen. I could buy them with the change at the bottom of my bag!

“How weird would it be to call Office Depot and ask if they have them in stock?”
“LOL, just order them from the website.”
“Okay, but 2 things. 1) The way my OCD is set up I want them now. I’m probably going to continue to obsess over them because I’m already worried about how long the only one I have left will last. 2) All I have is cash so I can’t order anything online anyway.

There was a silence. Most of my friends are familiar with my brand of ridiculous and will just let me cook until I tire of that day’s obsession.
I spoke to Allen at Office Depot as if it was perfectly normal to require him to search the store for my pens. Allen came back after a brief hold and told me that my pens were not sold in stores because they are big fat liars. Depot and Max are not in fact the same store as the commercials so falsly advertised.
Allen welcomed me to order the pens online or mosey into the store and take a gander at their similar generic pens.I wanted to whine but then I remembered that my distress was over a 10 cent pen.
I’m currently transferring funds. I plan on ordering $20 worth of these damn pens and hoarding them. An hour has passed. An hour in which I could have been cleaning, folding clothes, writing, or at the very least watching Maury.

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