Turning Up at 35 Or Something Like That

birthday cake

Every year someone asks me how it feels to be {insert age here} I never know how to answer that. Am I supposed to feel different? Am I missing something? Birthdays have never been a big deal to me. I’m another year older another year closer to the inevitable but I’m determined to embrace 35. I’m making this the year I love myself more and strive for happiness. I don’t want to just survive anymore.

I went to bed earlier the night before my birthday. I wanted to feel refreshed leaving all traces of depression out of my Me Day. I wasn’t going to focus on what I didn’t have or couldn’t do. I felt great when I woke up. It was cold outside. I was tempted to stay in but that wasn’t part of the plan. I wanted to spend my day unrushed, unbothered, and unaccompanied doing the things I like to do.

I browsed the aisles of Staple’s for as long as I wanted. I bought my yearly journal and planner and found my new favorite brand of pens. I spent the rest of day in Panera writing and people watching. I do these exact activities often and maybe it’s not the ideal way for some to spend their 35th birthday, but I was doing something for myself. I was happy. I started thinking of ways to preserve that feeling of contentment and came up with a bucket list of sorts.

Practice more self-love and care. I plan to do this with no guilt, no reasoning, and I certainly won’t be defending it.

Have more sex. Better sex. No more mentally sex shaming myself.

Throw out the stale. I’ve thrown away so many ideas, stories, and plans that never came to fruition. Instead of grieving I feel like a weight has been lifted. I no longer feel as if I have to finish these things because they’re there.  This also applies to any type of relationship that I’m clinging to for comfort and using as a crutch.

Truly stop being concerned about what others think. Fully embrace who I am.

Act my age. I am not 60.

Be ambitious.  Use every opportunity to improve my life.

Be a better writer. Read more. Write more. Don’t be lazy. Live for rejection letters again.

Be nicer. Make new friends. Make an effort to be less of an introvert.

Turn up for 35. Be more spontaneous. Do more. Be more. Have fun.  (This is for my daughter. She made me pinky swear.)

Last year I refused the notion of waiting for the New Year to make changes in my life. I needed to make some changes so I did. Some things I succeeded at, some not so much. Even with my failures I have no regrets.  I want the same for 2015. I won’t call these resolutions but I do resolve to treat me better than I ever have.


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